This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize