He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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