I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
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