OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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