Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize