From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
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