Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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