i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
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i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
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No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
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