Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
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I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
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I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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