Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
Randomize