i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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