My underwear smells like fireworks.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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