for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize