you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
I just googled if crying burns calories
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
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