I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
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