Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize