Your tits are I can't wait for
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Randomize