3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
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