just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
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