i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
He? As in you personified your dick?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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