The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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