Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
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