Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
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I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
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Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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