help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hippo gnu deer
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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