why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize