you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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