she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
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We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
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