I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
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I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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