ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize