I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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