Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize