I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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