WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Never joke about your clitoris.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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