She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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