how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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