sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize