Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
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i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
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And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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