apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
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Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
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I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
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