Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I just found puke in my bra..
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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