obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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