i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
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I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
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