he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
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Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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