you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
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i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
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that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
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