is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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