So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
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