Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
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pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
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