It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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