Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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