You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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