My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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